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Seamus Finnegan

[ website | Twisted ]
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It could be more or less private, but oh, it's not. [08 Jan 2004|07:33pm]
[ mood | weird ]

It's not like I asked for it. I didn't mean to die down. To drown, in my own pool. Well, to disappear, that's more well put. Even if I was asked, I didn't stayed at home when the semester started again after Christmas. Maybe, I would have had more time to myself, all alone, but in the long run, it would have brought more attention to me. I used to love it. I don't know, I don't recognize myself anymore. I'm not sure who I became and what I believe in now. Am I still me? Of course, but I don't believe in changes. So, where does that leave me?

Wait, wait. I need to eat candy and duel with some goody goody hufflepuff and end up with a broken wand and a spot of my hair missing. Maybe that'll get me in the mood of being myself again.

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How are things? [14 Oct 2003|04:26pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

Things are doings so great right now. And by things I mean school work. And by school work I mean marks. To think this is my last year at Hogwarts, too. I think I am going to make the most of it. Take advantage of the time left, and have fun. It's that what I always do anyway? Well, except for a short time before the end of last year. But that is all left behind.

Although, I think I will be passing by Hogsmeade this week or weekend. I just realized my stack of candies was empty. I'm suffering from sugar withdrawal.

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Starting again. [18 Sep 2003|03:28pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Is it normal that I did only 2 major homework since the beginning of the school year? Or am I really slacking? I know for god damn sure it wouldn't be a good thing, but I don't want to get too preoccupied by school either. That comes, like, in second. Ironically, I've been hanging in the library a lot lately. What? Is it that out of character? Well, it's not really for school anyway. I just hate being ignorant. I have grown, haven't I?

Before I forget, Congratulations Ron and Hermione! Will I be able to visit soon?

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summer still [02 Aug 2003|10:33am]
[ mood | excited ]

Summer is going as expected, but not necessary as wanted. It's getting a bit lonely with only my parents and I. I can't really discuss the things I talk about with my friends with them, or play. But I did get to see my cousins like every summer because it's the little one's birthday. They are all younger than me, but they are so much fun. It's from my mum's side of the family, so they are all little wizards and witches.

Mum said that next week we're going to London and stay there until school starts. I can't wait, because we have never stayed that long! I'm sure it will be fun.

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Knowledge never ends [14 Jul 2003|04:51pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]

I never thought I could keep myself busy during the summer hols. We are at this moment in the house my dad grew in, in Ireland. I always thought it was the same house we are living in now, but apparently, there is a lot I didn't know. So basically, I'm at my grand-mother's old humble house but I never got to see her. She died when I was two years old, but I always thought she died before I was born. See, we learn new things every day. I'm kind of disappointed they waited that long to tell me about my family but they said they never intended to hide it from me. Only, they didn't think I would be interested. And well, I guess they were right until recently.

So I've been working around my dad's old house with him. Let me tell you it's a lot of work, too. I spent most of my days sleeping, I have to say. At least my parents let me sleep so it's an excuse not to work. I have been enjoying the holidays all right until now. I hope I will get to see my friends before school begins.

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...Not like I left [28 Jun 2003|03:13pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Right. I feel like I've been gone for bloody long now. As if it was a vacation. But I was far from enjoying leisure time. I have been so careless about school work throughout the year that I needed to work extra during the last week or so. I can say I worked my arse off, I had never put so much effort into something. But now I can relax and fool around like I always do because I made passing grades and more than so in some classes so I'm quite proud.

I realized I somewhat cut myself off from my friends and it was not the first time either. I've learned a valuable lesson now though. As much as I like having fun and don't care about my future, I really need to balance school and friends. Because I see now that both are important. I hope I can live up to what I know presently, and that it will not cause me any more trouble.

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Questionnaire from Angelina [08 Jun 2003|08:58pm]
That was quite hard.Collapse )
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So, I'm a fool for not knowing and smart for discarding what I know? [06 Jun 2003|05:20pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Sometimes I just feel so out of place. I'm not what I could be. Yet my mum's always told me to be glad of what you have and not to depress on what you want. I'm not sure if I truly want something right now, but I find myself to be content. For no reason apparently, because I have nothing to gain happiness of. It's not like I accomplished anything personally rewarding, or socially for that matter, but life flows so much easier when you focus on those little invisible things that keeps you alive. Wait, where's my invisible thing?

I don't know how many times I have to say I am happy to start feeling it. Or how many times I have to be tickled by Justin to smile endlessly?

5 comments|post comment

I am so fucked up. [19 May 2003|07:52pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]

I have been thinking lately (Justin made me ponder, more so.) on how confusing my life is. Well, it's not all that confusing, really. It's just that I don't know what I want out of it. And I get so worked up about things because there's a part of me that wants them and the other that doesn't. Knowing that I don't know what I want, is that the first step to something?

I'd rather not think about that, anyway, because I'm always happy when I think of the present moment. Or the past even. I just don't like to contemplate on what might lie ahead. That's all.

I realized that I miss Pansy more than I thought I would. She was filling that void in me. It wasn't love, because I wouldn't consider we were in a relationship, of any kind. Only friends. Even if we chose to cross the line, once. No, it was more like a mutual understanding and trust. It's never the same, but I still think I get that. And that. Is what I want.

4 comments|post comment

better. [12 May 2003|09:44pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

I'm really happy I could get my mind off of things. I really needed that, Justin, thanks.

I had not been feeling so great lately, I admit. But, best is to forget and pass on. I have been able to finish about two third of all the assigments I have, this evening, and I think that is great. I am completely burned now.

(I... I miss... I miss my old life. I want it back. I don't want to grow up...)

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Enjoy what you have, or something like that. [06 May 2003|09:20pm]
[ mood | infuriated ]

What am I turning into? I have turned in a single assignement this week. I'm not saying I didn't do it, I just didn't turned them in that's right, lying can't hurt.

I want to go back home, I want to be with my dad. Before school started, when mum let us live like a normal muggle family. But it's not like I can get what I want. Fleeing's not the answer anyway.

PrivateCollapse )

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complete in a way [26 Apr 2003|03:13pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]

Why can't things be like THIS all the time? It's just so perfect. Dean and I had a little chat and everything got sorted out. We are best mates and all, just like old times. And, well if you don't know, don't ask, but I fixed things with Neville, too. I did what Dean told me and I'm really happy he didn't take it the wrong way. Things are okay between us, just, of course, a little different. And with Harry, things are as they always have been. I think it's better this way too, I'm sorry I ever acted flirtly with him. I was going through a phase... I guess.

YES, I KNOW SEX CHANGES EVERYTHING... I don't like changes... why do things keep changing?

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Once upon a time... [23 Apr 2003|11:23pm]
[ mood | guilty ]

I went to see Professor McGonagall. My grades are not good. My study partner's, Adrian, aren't better. The end.

Very truely PrivateCollapse )

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Haha, I can type. [21 Apr 2003|09:45pm]
[ mood | drunk ]

The only people I spoke to in the last couple of days were Ginny and Neville. And thank god they were there. But today, I haven't had the opportunity to go visit Ginny and Neville, I just hope he isn't avoiding me. So, as you can see, I had hours to kill today so I took my killer wand and... *lol* no, I'm just kidding.

Actually, I got drunk. It's actually more than easy to do on school grounds than I thought, any moron could do it. And even if I could really regret this, I'm thinking about the first time I got drunk, so I probably won't. ;P

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mirror, mirror, tell me what's ahead [15 Apr 2003|04:40pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Why can't I see things differently? Maybe then, I'll be able to understand myself. I don't even know where I'll be in an hour, or what I'll be in a year. My dad said I should get a job and work in the muggle world. That would help a bit, actually. He said you don't have to study to work some interesting places. I've never been that good in magic, anyway. What can it bring me out of life? Mum's not so proud, but she said that if that's my choice, we're going to live at dad's old place in Ireland. I think I'm excited about that. Maybe. Well, I could be.

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GOD! [21 Mar 2003|09:12pm]
[ mood | humiliated ]

I am so fucking stupid!! An idiot!
I acted like a complete git. I was scared Dean would hate me because I suggested we should shag but now I bloody know he does! How could I say things like that? Words just wouldn't come out right. I care about him so much, how things like this can be so difficult? Oh god I'm having such a headache, I fucking banged my head too hard on the wall. I swear I'm not going to sleep tonight. I will be too busy thinking back the idiocies I said.

...Oh, and Pansy, I talked to Neville about the clover thing, and he gave me this spell. I wrote it down because I'm afraid I won't be able to do it without days of practice. I'll give it to you the next time I see you.

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In which he suffers from a self esteem+temper control problem [13 Mar 2003|10:51pm]
[ mood | rejected ]

The camping itself was very enjoyable. I mean, I love fishing, canoeing, the outdoors and I couldn't care less about my wand, even when I do get a spell right. Sharing a tent with Harry and Dean isn't so bad either.

But, it was lacking. In what, I don't know. Socialization, maybe. Mostly from the fact that I haven't said a word to Harry or Dean during the entire trip except for the casualties like "The food's good, uh?" "Yep." or "Harry, I want you." I think I need a group therapy or something.

It's funny how I can only rely on girls to sort out my problems. They're so much easier to talk to. Ginny is just so cute, and only to know she listens to what I say is enough already. Pansy, well she always has the comforting word to say. Even if things get emotional, we always end up feeling happy and light again.

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Morning's gone [08 Mar 2003|01:19pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

I thought it would feel I little less blurred in the morning, but it's not quite the case. Nothing changes, nothing will. I have to say I'm thankful for that because things are fine the way they are. I learn along the way, though. Like, the difference between having sex and making love. At first, I thought girls had invented that to make it sound more... innocent maybe, beautiful. But, they are in fact not that same. I even had a taste of both yesterday, it cannot get more clear than that.

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Voices. I hate those voices. [02 Mar 2003|07:43pm]
[ mood | infuriated ]

The Fuck? Harry tried to take his life? What does he think he's going? Did he even think that dying was actually a solution? Damn, that's stupid. It just doesn't make sense (neither do I, really). Why do people take life seriously? Shit, it's just a joke, it's all just a freaking joke! (why am I not laughing?)

Why am I acting like I fucking don't care? Leave me alone! (As if that was what I needed right now.)

PrivateCollapse )

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The good, the bad and the fucking ugly... [22 Feb 2003|11:17am]
[ mood | moody ]

My days were going so perfectly fine, before today fucking ended! Those damn bloody fucking hell Slytherins (except Pansy, and probably Draco)! Those two bloody dumb asses managed to set curses on me. One, they got me bald (which I solved later on with no problem as it has happened to me before *cough*). And, they set my pants on fire. Kinda ironic actually, but certainly not funny. Bloody fucking hell. But as a revenge, I cursed their clothes off, which was not a pretty sight, I have to admit, but rewarding nonetheless. Then, I fled and hid until they were gone. Ah, I needed to get that bloody off my chest.

Enough with the bad. Yesterday was fun. I went to the ball (well, that wasn't much fun on his own) but I got to talk with Ginny about all sorts of things and jump on my bed. So that was the fun part. Tonight was also loads of fun. I hanged out with Pansy, and it's always great because we can talk about absolutely everything. Yup. Cool people. Makes me forget about all that damn crap going around. Blindens me to that sort of things actually, and that is fuuun.

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