I can't believe myself. I never knew I would be capable of such a thing. Monday went a little like this: I was trying to be miserably drunk in my dorm alone, but Neville came to disturb me. He wanted to work on this Herbology project of ours, but, of course, it's very smart to ask a drunk lad to do something intellectually challenging. Needless to say I didn't cooperate. Maybe my loneliness went in play when I started asking if I could touch and kiss him. So, I probably needed it at the time, but I know too well we can't fool around with best friends.
And the playing went a little too far. I think it was rape. His moans didn't sound like complaints, but that's what alcohol do, right? It makes you feel confident and in control, as if everything you do is the best thing a man as ever done. I am so ashamed I felt like this. I have been afraid to face him but Professor McGonagall lent me this Foeball and I think it will be useful. I'll be able to know how Neville really feels about me after one of my numerous mistakes.