Seamus Finnegan (seamus_finnegan) wrote,
Seamus Finnegan

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I am so fucked up.

I have been thinking lately (Justin made me ponder, more so.) on how confusing my life is. Well, it's not all that confusing, really. It's just that I don't know what I want out of it. And I get so worked up about things because there's a part of me that wants them and the other that doesn't. Knowing that I don't know what I want, is that the first step to something?

I'd rather not think about that, anyway, because I'm always happy when I think of the present moment. Or the past even. I just don't like to contemplate on what might lie ahead. That's all.

I realized that I miss Pansy more than I thought I would. She was filling that void in me. It wasn't love, because I wouldn't consider we were in a relationship, of any kind. Only friends. Even if we chose to cross the line, once. No, it was more like a mutual understanding and trust. It's never the same, but I still think I get that. And that. Is what I want.
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